The Amazing Life of Patti

Hamster Wheel

2011-07-14T05:41:00.003-04:00

In my fabulously wonderful grad program, I'm currently studying pharmacology. Love the class. In it, you learn all about drug classes, how to choose the proper drug, potential adverse effects, necessary patient education, etc. A very intense class that truly does stretch your brain.

When reflecting on all I've studied in the past 6 years since I started nursing school, I'm struck by the irony I see. How can it be that I can advise someone on health issues, including something as important as medications, yet I cannot get my own exercise and diet in order?

More pressure is on to achieve this goal, as my oldest daughter will be getting married in about a year and a half. Which means professional photography. Which means having to see myself in such photos. Which means seeing my physical self as the world sees me. Which means, in order to spare me much pain, I must lose weight before this wedding.

As if I weren't busy enough, I jumped at the chance to become involved with our community college's first annual 5K in the spring. Joining weight loss programs and websites apparently haven't solved the problem, so perhaps taking on yet another project will.

I continue to run on this weight loss hamster wheel, hoping that one of these days, I'll jump off, about 20 pounds lighter.

Lesson of the Day

2011-04-06T17:52:00.003-04:00

The Lesson of the Day is...

I have the choice to be loving and caring to everyone I come in contact with, through my words and actions, or not.

Self-Nurturing

2011-03-31T17:36:00.002-04:00

I'm working on an educational piece for fellow nurses and support staff on the importance of self-nurturing. So, I've been doing some reflecting on exactly what I do to take care of myself, when I'm not taking care, in some way, of someone else.

My current self-indulgences include, in no particular order:

Seasonal tickets to Pennsylvania Ballet (my first year of subscription tickets, and I must say I feel truly indulged when I go!)
Visits to Longwood Gardens (again, a yearly subscription)
Cupcake Wines (OK, it's cheap and wine could arguably be considered a necessity, but Cupcake is a relatively new discovery of mine, so it earns a spot on my list)
Playing the Smurf game on my iPad (I can't believe I'm actually admitting this one)
Working on my Masters of Nursing (it's a lot of work, but I really do enjoy it)

There's probably something I've missed, but these are the big ones. In devising this presentation, I'm being reminded that if we don't take care of ourself, we have nothing to give to others.

What IS it?

2011-03-31T04:33:00.002-04:00

What IS it about blogging, facebook, twitter, etc. that's so attractive?

Why is it that I can't bring myself to delete my blog, but only seldom do I update?

Why do I even want to share anything about me to strangers, and WHY do I think anyone is interested in what I have to say?

Anyway. Much has transpired in my life since my last post. Most of which I won't share with cyberspace, but some I will.

More to come. Soon.

Patience.

2010-06-17T22:52:00.003-04:00

It seems as though I'm down to my last couple of weeks of waiting. Until I learn whether or not I've been accepted into my Masters program and class of choice.

The wait is horrible. I check my email continuously. At least 11 times daily. I paint my nails, I pick the nail polish off. I eat. I make another martini.

I could be cleaning the house, pulling weeds, or cleaning out the fridge.

It's a very unproductive time for me.

Two Years Later.

2009-07-15T10:25:00.002-04:00

Throughout nursing school, I always knew unquestionably that I would not only survive it, but succeed while doing so. What I could not imagine, however, was being an experienced nurse. Adjusting to the role of RN and doing so in a busy Labor and Delivery unit is probably the most challenging task I've ever undertaken. Seriously.

A few days ago marked my two year anniversary of being an RN. An occasion of which I am quite proud. To be an RN who feels like she knows what she's doing on most days is a wonderful feeling. And to write more on the issue at this time would be pointless.

Despite how it may appear, I have been writing extensively during these past two years. It has not been in the form of blogging, but rather, papers in APA format for my Bachelors of Nursing. I've been working feverishly with a fabulous college in Orlando and their online BSN program. According to my plan, I will earn this next degree on April 18, 2010. (Nine more months. I'm trying to compare it to a pregnancy.) My hope is to become accepted for my Masters at Frontier School of Midwifery and Family Nursing soon after.

I can't say how often I will be blogging, but it does feel good to be here again. Many thanks to Shelley, for her gentle reminder of where I need to be.

My 100th Post

2007-07-14T10:41:00.000-04:00

Much to say. Too jumbled in my mind to say it yet.

Wednesday I took my nursing boards. Yesterday I found out I passed.

My lifelong dream of being a registered nurse has come true.

Wow.

We're off to a great start.

2007-07-09T07:37:00.001-04:00

Today began with a discovery of puppy poop in the kennel. He's not as cute this morning as he was yesterday.

I'm still furious with the dance studio people. I'd love to call the teacher up and give her a few earfuls about how unprofessional she is. In my younger years I would have done that a long time ago. Now, it's just not happening.

But I really would like to.

So Much For My Naivety

2007-07-08T17:10:00.000-04:00

There are times when I need to write, to vent, to curse, to yell, to hurt with words in revenge.
Yet, I am left speechless.

I remember as a child having bad dreams where I would scream at the top my lungs for help.
Yet, no sound would emerge from my mouth.

This is how I am today. It’s a bad dream. Or maybe just indicative of what our world is evolving into. Someone has hurt my child with words and actions in ways I never thought a teacher would.

And I react in anger.
Yet, I don’t.

My First Time

2007-07-07T08:57:00.000-04:00

Earlier this week I did something for the first time. I bought myself my first "mature woman magazine." I took one look at the latest issue of More and whipped four bucks out of my very tiny Aigner handbag without hesitation.

Fabulously positive and encouraging for women over 40, the magazine is already challenging me in new ways that I'm sure will result in future blog posts. I know, I know, I have another six months before I turn 40, but personally, I can't wait for what I know will be the best years of my life so far.

It's finally making sense to me that all that life handed me up until now was for a reason.

One Tired Pup

2007-07-03T17:10:00.001-04:00

Like my baby here, I am tired. Tired of studying for Boards. Tired of doing NCLEX review questions day in and day out. Tired of hearing how other classmates of mine have already passed the Boards and now have "R.N." after their signature. Tired of just kinda being in limbo.
The unspoken rule is that you don't tell anyone when exactly you're scheduled to take your Boards, so as to save yourself the humiliation of having to tell everyone under the sun that you failed your first time taking them, if by chance, you do. If you don't tell them the exact date you're taking them, then people won't be bugging you two days later to hear whether or not you passed.
But I don't really live by such rules, and I'm pretty much an open book. So I'll tell all of you in BlogLand that I'm due to take my Boards next Wednesday, July 11. I can't believe I just announced that to the entire internet. I must be crazy.
OK, then. Please show your support for one tired momma!

Entertaining vs. Hospitality

2007-07-02T10:44:00.000-04:00

Entertaining focuses on things;
the house being clean enough, the food being good enough, the dishes matching, the right music during dinner.

Hospitality focuses on the guest:
and giving him/her what he/she needs (i.e., acceptance, compassion, a listening ear, or a place to spend the night).

Taking Baby Steps

2007-07-02T08:11:00.001-04:00

First of all, to Shelley: Where is your blog? I lost the URL! Please post it here...thanks in advance!

There are a couple of things on my mind this morning. One is the continuation of this desire to be more hospitable. I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who feels this way. (Thank you for sharing, my dear blogging comrades.)

While watching the end of The Concert for Diana yesterday, I was reminded again of The Challenge. It was from Nelson Mandela (did anyone else pick up on it?). He briefly said how Diana made a person feel special. Even the most vulnerable people.

Wow.

I'm not living my life to imitate Diana or anyone else, but that's what I want to do.

I'm currently bogged down with some people who cross the path of my life and leave others angered and frustrated.

I don't want to affect someone's life the way those people do. I don't want to be like those who can't even look at you when you pass them in the hall, let alone say "Hi" or "Good Morning."

Doing this requires me to move out of my comfort zone, (which is actually something I'm getting used to doing, especially after nursing school.) So I think I can do this. It might take me a while to get it mastered, but eventually, I will.

Hospitality: Personal Challenge

2007-06-30T07:54:00.000-04:00

Today we bid adieu to Amazing Uncle. It’s been a good week. I enjoy having people over. Especially cooking for them.

Which has led to the recurrent thought that it would be fun to own a Bed and Breakfast. I know lots of people think that, and that it’s a lot of work, but I still think I’d like it. There’s a place we stay at the shore which isn’t a Bed and Breakfast, but it’s owned by an older couple and they make you feel welcome there. Like you don’t want to leave.

I want to make people feel like that.

I don’t have any plans to buy a Bed and Breakfast, but it’s a nice thought. I think, for now, I’ll concentrate on making people feel welcome in our own little home. Being more hospitable than before.

I wish more people in our circle of friends were like that. Maybe I’ll start a trend.

A Little Spooked

2007-06-28T16:01:00.000-04:00

The benefits package has been turned in and I'm a little spooked by how my life is changing. Excited and thankful, but still, freaked out by it all.

I celebrated by buying myself some new clothes. Hit some great sales, and put it on my credit card that I know I will easily be able to pay in full within a month. :)

A Big Day

2007-06-28T07:20:00.001-04:00

Today I'm turning in my benefits package and getting my new ID photo taken for my position at the hospital as a Nurse Intern. I'm technically called an Intern until I prove to the hospital via a letter from the state that I've passed my boards. Which I haven't taken yet.

Anyway, turning in a benefits package may not sound like a big deal to you, but it's really something for me. I've wanted to be a nurse ever since I was in kindergarten. Here I am, a homeschooling mom who's never made more than $7,000 a year, beginning a full-time professional career with benefits for the whole family.

The best part of all this is, I don't have to give up my being a homeschooling mom. I don't have to choose between homeschooling and a nursing career.

My head is in the clouds! Life is good.

Puppy Dreams

2007-06-25T17:07:00.000-04:00

Last night was one of those nights where I just couldn’t fall asleep. Too much caffeine in the afternoon, too much tossing and turning by Amazing Hubby, too much worrying about whether Amazing Uncle is enjoying his stay here with us.

According to Daughter #2, it was 3:22 am when she walking into our bedroom. As usual, I immediately shot up into a sitting position. Because, after all, I wasn't really sleeping.

“What’s the matter?”

Daughter #2 matter-of-factly walked over to me and placed her hands on her hips. “Mom, there’s a puppy in my bed,” she stated.

I think I detected on her face a half-smile, as if she were beginning to wake up and realized what she’d said.

“Hon, there’s no way a puppy could be in your bed. But come show me this puppy you’re talking about.”

As we walked back into her room, I stepped onto the ladder leading to her top bunk and took a look around. No puppy. Just a lightweight Christmas blanket bunched up at the foot of her bed.
I stepped back down. “OK, show me where this puppy is.”

She began to climb up the ladder, stopped and giggled. She pointed to the blanket, giggled some more, and said, “Well…this was his nose!”

Hope

2007-06-24T19:58:00.000-04:00

Today’s the kind of day I don’t want to end. There’s a heavenly breeze coming in from the bay, and as I sit here and watch the boats meander in and out of the harbor and the wave runners zip up the river, the sun is beginning to set. It’s inevitable that this day, indeed, is coming to a close.

Church was especially rejuvenating for me this morning. I’m grateful for that because I entered the building in not exactly the most favorable frame of mind. There’s been a relatively recent tragedy which has occurred within our church family and the resulting hurt and confusion that has emerged as people attempt to move through their grief has been really getting to me.

I know that sounds terribly insensitive, but I don’t mean it to be. Really.

I was going to write about this tragedy, because I think it’s okay to blog about sad things. Sometimes it’s even necessary. And I think we bloggers often feel as though we have to write positive, beautiful things and leave our readers with profound thoughts. The truth is, sometimes life just isn’t beautiful, and it’s ok to admit that.

That being said, I no longer feel the need to write about this devastating occurrence. Maybe I will another day. But for now, I will rejoice in rejuvenation, in hope, and in heavenly days like today.

Emotions

2007-06-22T21:58:00.000-04:00

The garage has been reduced to rubble. Strangely enough, as the bulldozer began to tear it apart, a wave of unexpected emotion came over me.

I suddenly understood how those families feel on Extreme Home, as they sit and watch via satellite as their home, full of memories, is destroyed.

As I heard the gnashing of the monster's teeth, I thought of all the trips made in there, packing and repacking Christmas decorations and winter clothes over the past ten years. And how my girls, who were once four, five and nine, would walk barefoot on the cool cement floor on a hot day. And then I was reminded that they haven't been four, five and nine for a good many years, and they never will be again.

This pre-menopause stage is killing me.

Anticipation

2007-06-22T09:17:00.000-04:00

This day of excitement and anticipation begins with a pleasant bay breeze rustling the foxtails. The sun us bright, the sky is clear, and I can only be confident that today will be a beautiful day.

A few hours ago, Amazing Uncle was to have embarked on his journey back to us for a vacation. He moved some 1000 miles away sometime in the fall, and he is missed. Today we know he is a bit closer to us than yesterday, and will, Lord willing, be pulling into our driveway late tomorrow.

Today is also the day that our garage is to be demolished. Amazing Hubby will be rebuilding it to be a size more suitable for a ~~family of five~~ wife who never wants to throw anything away.

What are you anticipating today?

I do not take my luxuries for granted.

2007-06-21T09:15:00.001-04:00

There was a time- which seems a lifetime ago- where my nights consisted of being awoken every 45 minutes to 2 hours by small children who seemed to be almost inhuman considering their lack of ability or desire to sleep.

My days were spent exhausted, crying for uninterrupted sleep, and hearing others tell me this phase of life would be over "someday." I secretly wanted to spit in their face because I knew they were lying to me. Deep down, I understood this was some sort of sick punishment I was receiving for striving to be the smartest kid every year in my grade school years.

I needed to learn I wasn't perfect.

Somewhere along the way, that nightmare called My Life did pass. I survived. DID YOU HEAR ME? I survived! I have breastfeed for a total of 40 months of my life. I raised three babies who never wanted to sleep without me. I have happy, healthy kids. And my husband and I are more happily married than ever before.

Back then, a luxury to me would be to sleep for 4 hours without being awoken. Today, that happens. But after about 4 hours, I have to go pee because of the damage pushing out these kids have done to me body.

Anyway, sleep isn't really that much of a luxury right now. But a massage and a glass of Muscato is.

I have come a long way. And it is an awesome feeling.

Why isn't parenting easier than this?

2007-06-20T09:04:00.000-04:00

In many ways, homeschooling simplifies our life as a family. Yet, in others, it makes it more complicated.

At what point am I protecting my kids "too much?" Is there such a thing? Is it for anyone else to say what is right and wrong for a family? Is there some universal guideline about this that I never read?

Long story short. My oldest daughter, 15 years old, who wants to be a ballerina, has been humbled this week. I'm all for lessons in humility. It never hurts to realize that no matter how great you might be in one little corner of the world, there's always someone better than you in another.

We spent over $2000 to send her to a boarding camp, where she was to receive some very challenging dance instruction. It was her idea to go. She cried and cried during the first 2 days there.

"I want to go home. It's hard. I don't know anything compared to the other girls."

Deal with it. You're there to learn something.

"Most of the girls here curse every other word and I'm nothing like them."

Tough. That's life.

But then my husband and I got the phone call that there was something illegal going on as far as the boarding requirements go, and having 10 girls in one room is not allowed. So the girls would be transferred to the owner's home, which is "not far away" and would be driven here to the camp each day, where they would stay for 12 hours.

Which means, during those 12 hours, my daughter is on break for much of that time with no access to her personal belongings. Nor does she have anyone her age to hang around with, because her room mates are in different classes than hers.

And just where is this house, anyway?

"It's a million-dollar house in a million-dollar neighborhood."

Umm...is that supposed to impress me? Because it doesn't. Not in the slightest bit.

So, my husband and I were doing good with holding fast to our belief of she-must-tough-it-out-and-mature-and-we're-going-to-get-our-two-thousand-dollars-worth-out-of-this. It felt good to stand firm.

But when you're talking about moving our daughter to a place that we are unfamiliar with, with people we've never seen before, we instinctually gather her belongings and bring her back home early.

I hope we're doing the right thing.

Return to the Living

2007-06-19T19:07:00.000-04:00

I'm back. I'm well aware that I have no audience and no one is actually reading this, yet the thought of someone finding me and showing an interest in my life is enough to keep me going.

Much has changed since I've last been here. I intended on remaining present during the most intense part of my life, yet I couldn't. It was just too much. But I'm here now.

I have finished Nursing School. Something I've wanted to do since I was in kindergarten. I graduated in the top 20% of my class. This week I'm finishing up my Boards Review Course and will soon be sitting for my Boards. But all that's for my Nursing Blog. I have way too many blogs. And no audience. Funny.

Anyway. I feel quite different now. Aside from being a nurse with all the professional stuff that entails, I have changed. For the better, I believe.

My Grandmom passed away a few weeks ago. I hadn't seen her for months. I don't feel guilty for that, although some may think that sounds cruel. She began to stop recognizing me several years ago. She was not receiving the proper care she needed at home for quite some time. Long story. I'm not blaming anyone for that, as we can only do what we are capable of doing.

So, Grandmom has passed and I had been mourning her for years, if that makes sense. I'm at peace with the whole thing. She wasn't the kind of warm fuzzy Grandmom that has her grandkids over to spend the night and bake cookies. She wasn't really nurturing at all. But that wasn't her fault. She just wasn't capable of anything else.

There is much more to say, but I'll save it for next time.

I should have just stayed in bed.

2007-01-12T11:02:00.000-05:00

The day begins pleasantly enough. Amazing Hubby is off from work and we all sleep in. It's dark and cloudy outside, a perfect day for sleeping in.

When I finally decide to begin joining the world, at least my own little corner of it, I take a look at my oldest. She is still sleeping, and I can tell, just by looking, that she is still sick. She should be better by now. She's been on antibiotics for a week, and her eardrum is still slightly bulging. Still red, but not as much. This afternoon, Amazing Doctor will look at her eardrum, tell me it's still slightly bulging and red, but not as much. And write out a new script for her.

It frustrates me to no end when I can't cure someone in my family quickly. I should have had silver in the house. I should have started giving it to her long before this. She wouldn't still be in pain if I had.

This dilemma quickly throws me into a flustered state. Not a good way to start the day. I then remind myself that I still have not finished my term paper. I told myself I was going to finish it yesterday. Definitely should have had it done by now.

Which then reminds me I also haven't finished reading Chapter 60 in my med-surg book. The book weighs 10 pounds. Really. So now I have to go drive 1/2 hour to the health food store to buy silver, finish my term paper and finish Chapter 60. All before we go to church tonight to watch The Chronicles of Narnia.

I try to take a breath and be a good mom."Anyone want some french toast?" No takers. I make it and eat it myself.

Which reminds me I wasn't going to do something like that today because tomorrow I start the National Body Challenge and I wanted to kinda get myself in the right mindset of thinking before I stuff food in my mouth.

I put in my earplugs in an attempt to drown out the country music videos playing on the tv. And the racket the two girls are making as they attempt to make something to eat. They decide they do want breakfast. Just not the kind I make.

I sit at the computer and tell myself I'm going to finish writing this paper today NO MATTER WHAT. But then I decide to check my email, which leads to me visiting a few blogs, which inspires me to write.

So maybe, just maybe, I'll eventually find myself finishing up my term paper after all.

Ballerina

2007-01-11T14:55:00.000-05:00

One of the simple pleasures of my life is sewing my oldest daughter's pointe shoes.

Another is to watch her dance. Her gracefulness is truly a talent given to her by God.

Me? An Emcee?

2007-01-10T12:20:00.000-05:00

It's always a cool thing to see the Lord at work.

Little did I know she was in need of an emcee for this year's homeschool graduation. It had been a while since we'd had the opportunity to chat.

All I knew was that the newsletter said she was looking for people to serve on her committee for graduation this year. So, I left a message on her machine saying I'd be happy to help out.

In return, I received a message from her saying she wanted me to pray about being the emcee.

Eventually, we caught up with each other. She explained why we were without one this year, how she just couldn't think of the right person until she heard my message on her machine.

She said it was an answered prayer.

Very cool.

Don't mess with my kids...or hers.

2007-01-09T09:47:00.000-05:00

My latest post over at DotMoms is scheduled to go up some time today. Check it out.

After All These Years

2007-01-08T08:34:00.000-05:00

I wish Santa was a little bit better at recognizing sarcasm. You'd think that after all these years, he'd know when I was kidding.

When I saw him mid-December, he of course asked what I wanted for Christmas. I really didn't want anything this year, other than to wake up on Christmas morning and suddenly weigh 30 pounds less, so I responded with a quick, "A new pair of running shoes."

The next question was, "What color?"

"Pink," I answered, without hesitation.

Now Santa should know by now that I used to be an exercise addict and fitness instructor. My legs and abs used to be as hard as a rock. But that was in my previous, pre-motherhood life. No more. Those days are over, as much as I'd like for them to return.

So what do you think I found under the tree this year? You guessed it. A pair of pink running shoes.

Now that I think about it, maybe he did recognize my sarcasm. And his response was just as witty, because despite what I told him, he knew that what I really wanted was to lose 30 pounds.

Maybe he really does know what he's doing.

Those Were The Days

2007-01-05T09:06:00.000-05:00

Despite my intentions of making every Christmas just as breath-taking for my kids as it always was for me as a child, there is one area in which I utterly fail to do so.

It involves The Christmas Catalog.

Back in the Old Days, when I was a kid, there was no such thing as twenty-seven different catalogs invading your mailbox, each the size of an ordinary magazine. There were two. Each being about 2 inches thick. Those two were all any child needed.

On the day one of them arrived in the mail (for the two always arrived separately), time stopped for at least 24 hours, give or take 16.

The person who had actually pulled this precious book out of the mailbox got to "call it first." Once another sibling noticed its presence, the wars began. "I called it after her!" "Nah-uh! You had it second last year!"

And so the battle ensued, for days, until all three of us had pored over every page, every detailed description of each item we wanted. Each item we couldn't imagine our life without.

My kids can't relate. They're definitely getting jipped.

Fully Satisfied

2007-01-04T12:39:00.000-05:00

Today has been a glorious day thus far, with a high point being centered around homeschooling. It is a joy sitting with my two youngest, reading their history/geography books together, watching them make such discoveries as NAFTA being a free-trade agreement among Canada, the U.S. and Mexico...discussing how even we were immigrants at one time...and the connection between Canada's Prime Minister and British Rule.

Afterwards, they eagerly run outdoors, into our van, and imagine they are fully independent; driving themselves to Walt Disney World.

I am full.

Appreciating a Treasure

2007-01-03T09:16:00.000-05:00

While watching President Ford's funeral, I was reminded of what a gift it is to spend most of your life beside the one person who was meant for you. And of how mournful it must be to lose that person; to have to continue life without him.

Writing Assignments

2006-12-28T09:32:00.000-05:00

It's wonderful to not be in school right now! I am thoroughly enjoying this break between semesters.

Today I'm starting a research paper on postpartum depression, as well as magazine article on the same topic. Looking for survivors of PPD. Are you one, and willing to answer some questions? Let me know!

1997

2006-11-08T21:43:00.000-05:00

My baby turned nine today.

My life has dramatically changed in nine years.

The Second Best Thing

2006-11-06T07:41:00.000-05:00

I'd really like to escape to Florida and spend more time in Disney right about now. I was last there in May of this year, and usually after 10 days, we're ready to leave.

But with the deadlines and demands of school, colder weather, and behind-the-scenes shows about Disney on the Travel channel, I'd love to head back.

But, it's just not possible right now. So, I'm doing the next best thing; watching the four hours of video my lovely hubby made on our last trip there.

I never thought I'd be saying this...

2006-11-05T08:02:00.000-05:00

...but I am so turned off by the advertisements and attacks during this year's pre-election season that...

I'm not planning to vote this year.

I feel better having gotten that out in the open. I'm slightly embarrassed to have come to this conclusion, but frankly, I've got more important things to do with those 20 minutes or so it would take me to vote.

Things that would have more of a lasting meaning. Things that are more enjoyable.

Like just sitting on the couch watching television with my arms wrapped around a child. Haven't done that in a while.

Don't forget to kiss your kids today.

2006-10-30T06:59:00.000-05:00

I've been posting more on my other blog- the one that documents my adventures in nursing school- more often, because, well, right now that's just about all that my life consists of.

This is not the most enjoyable semester, to say the least. Fortunately, I'm on the down side of it, in a sense.

This morning I'm going to take an exam on a massive amount of information. I would really like to get an A on this exam, especially considering I got a low B on the first one.

Sometime today (after 2 pm eastern, I think), my latest post is scheduled to go up at DotMoms. It was a tough one for me to write, but I needed to because it was a form of therapy for me.

Hope you enjoy it.

Trudging along

2006-10-17T08:07:00.000-04:00

Summer is officially over, although some shops on the boardwalk are still open on the weekends.
My dear husband has now turned 40, which means I'll soon be 39.
My niece is two now.
Halloween parade is coming up, and I still have no costumes for my kids.
Everyone in the house has some degree of a head cold.
It's a cozy, rainy day today.
And I am still going to school.

2006-10-12T16:34:00.000-04:00

I love the new facade over at DotMom's.

Don't we look lovely?

2006-10-05T10:04:00.000-04:00

Second year of nursing is not like first year.

I can't believe how every single day I've got a day's worth of reading/studying to do.

Right now I'm into cancer.

Got a low B on my first exam. I must do better next time.

I'm behind on everything. Including writing for DotMoms.

Wish I had everything under control.

Why Can't I Do This?

2006-09-22T07:47:00.000-04:00

I'm still not losing any weight. Not getting into the regular habit of exercising. Sure, I started running a week or so ago, but that new found adventure has since disappeared.

My excuse for not getting into shape is that I'm putting all my energy into school (which is true) and therefore, I have no remaining energy to put into eating right and exercising.

It's an excuse, and a horrible one at that.

Anyone want to buy me a subscription to this magazine? I can't bear to give any of my hard-to-come-by money to Robert Kennedy.

Keep my mouth shut.

2006-09-19T08:01:00.000-04:00

He that keepeth his mouth keepeth his life: but he that openeth wide his lips shall have destruction. Proverbs 13:3

How appropriate today's Proverb is for me. There is someone who is extremely sarcastic, negative and downright mean; an acquaintance in my life right now. Yesterday she made a comment which terribly offended me, to the point where I was still upset about it late in the evening and was considering confronting her about it. Her love of arguing and disruption was beginning to seep into me and I wanted to retaliate.

My family collectively advised me not to do such a thing, and that message is confirmed in today's Proverb.

Getting in shape

2006-09-14T07:16:00.000-04:00

I've been wanting to get back into shape for a while. There's always something more enjoyable, though, that distracts me. Like dessert.

My present study of Diabetes Mellitus has been God's way of saying to me, "See what will happen to you if you don't take care of yourself NOW?" Diabetes runs big time in my family, and I've already had gestational diabetes during one of my pregnancies. So, for me to disregard the reality that chances are very good I will develop the disease if I don't actively try to prevent it would be really dumb.

One of the things I'm doing is I've started running again. Jogging and walking. Actually, walking with some periodic jogging is more like it. Right now I'm doing 2 miles in about 14 minutes.

It's fun to see how I improve my time every day I run. You should try it!

Things I Must Do

2006-09-12T04:50:00.000-04:00

Return to the boardwalk before Columbus Day to use my Free Game Card for miniature golf.

Pay the phone bill and my credit card.

Plan something for my dh's upcoming 40th birthday.

Keep running! (I started jogging again this week, thanks to the influence of a classmate who's into cross country. I'm a little sore, but lovin' it.)

Continue taking my vitamins.

Stay focused with school every single day. Never stop.

Adjusting

2006-09-12T04:39:00.000-04:00

My stress level is starting to diminish. Six hours of diabetes lecture this week, with 3 already behind me. So far, the lecture has been review for me. Besides the disease running rampant in my family, I did all the reading and even started making my notecards prior to lecture. Afterwards, I come home and review, making additional notecards according to the lecture.

An 8-hour psych lab is later this week, along with my 2nd med-surg lab. Then, all my labs will be over! Yay!

Treading water in a sea of chaos

2006-09-06T08:41:00.000-04:00

I wish I could explain the stress involved with nursing school to those who have never been there, done that. Those who have, know and understand without needing a description.

The amount of required reading is tremendous. So much so, that last night I attempted to write a rough schedule out of which days I would commit to reading for which upcoming lecture or lab. VERY TOUGH right now because in addition to the regular class, we have 2 med-surg labs and one psych lab for which to prepare during the first three weeks or so of this semester.

Hopefully, sticking to my reading schedule, as I do with the girls' homeschooling plans, will keep me on track.

I'm very thankful I'm not working this semester, other than teaching CBE. There's no way I could do this and work.

And there's also no way I could do this without a supportive husband.

So, amidst the insanity, there are blessings.

Back to the grind.

2006-09-05T08:08:00.000-04:00

Fall semester starts today.

Last year at this time I was a nervous wreck, wondering how I was going to balance it all.

Now all I can think of is, "Ugh! I still have so much work ahead of me!"

People keep telling me it will all be worth it in the end. Deep down, I know it's true. But some days, I have to wonder.

No espanol.

2006-08-28T08:34:00.000-04:00

My summer externship is over. Kinda sad about it. I will miss those nurses I worked with. But, if all goes as planned, I will join them as a new nurse after I graduate.

The last patient I worked with was a Spanish (only!) speaking couple with a newborn. Discontinued Mom's foley, got her up and out of bed. Dad was holding baby when we heard a BLOW OUT POOP (by baby, not Dad). Dad thought I was going to change the diaper...WRONG!

While we did not share a common language, I managed to teach Dad how to change his baby's diaper. He was a bit reluctant at first, but quite proud of himself when it was all over.

Even said, "Gracias" as I was leaving.

Love a bargain!

2006-08-24T16:51:00.000-04:00

I don't like clothes shopping much, but I ran into a clothing store today; for one, because they sent me a coupon in the mail, and two, because I was in the market for a new bra.

Sales all over the place! Then I used my coupon!

I got a t-shirt for my oldest, a bra and a top for me to wear in the fall. Grand total: $9.86!

Don't 'cha wish you were in nursing school?

2006-08-22T13:35:00.000-04:00

Just got my books for the fall semester.
Total cost: $809.60

Defeat

2006-08-17T21:29:00.000-04:00

The poison ivy won out on me. I felt different this morning once I woke up. More itchy, and very much more stressed. Panicky. Anxiety was definitely kicking in, and I know this is a sign of a moderate to severe allergic reaction. I was having trouble breathing and my heart felt like it was pounding out of me. But my breath sounds and pulse were okay.

I HAD TO GET TO THE OFFICE. I knew I could get a shot of something there, and once I did, I'd be okay. So, without freaking out the girls, I got myself there in one piece, and sure enough, the shot helped. I also got a script for Medrol. I felt much better by the time I was driving out of the parking lot.

Then it was off to the hospital. I had to pull up the breastfeeding policies and make a poster about how all of our nurses can be breastfeeding friendly. The poster is due tomorrow afternoon, at the Externship Review. I think it turned out ok.

I also did about 2 hours worth of HealthStream, which is kinda like a yearly review for all employees. Basically redundant stuff, especially when you're still in school. You get cultural awareness knocked into your head over and over again each semester, and then again at the hospital in your reviews. It's a little much at times.

I finally slept last night.

2006-08-16T09:04:00.000-04:00

I know how to get a good night's sleep. Benadryl and ear plugs.

I seriously hope this poison ivy doesn't get any worse. I'm having flashbacks of a few years ago when my face was swollen so badly that my co-workers at the doctors office had to take a second look to realize who I was.

Not often seen around here.

2006-08-15T05:53:00.000-04:00

This is one of our favorite photos we've taken. My husband snapped this a year ago from the roof of our house. He was working on an addition off our kitchen; I looked up at him, and saw behind him this funnel cloud over the bay. I couldn't get the words out to explain to him what I saw. I was just pointing with big eyes. He thought he was surrounded by a swarm of bees at first, judging from the look on my face! This photo has been in the newspapers and on our television news stations.

Now if I could just get rid of this poison ivy.

2006-08-15T05:17:00.000-04:00

I love traveling and truly enjoying the scenery and setting of where we are. Such was our recent jaunt to Pennsylvania.

Despite a sudden wrong turn amidst busy traffic, which led to utter frustration with everyone in the van (including myself), we had a lovely trip.

We spent a nice dinner with J and her family. My husband, I think, is still somewhat bewildered over the idea of going to visit someone I knew only from the internet. Not that he didn't enjoy the visit (which he definitely did; J and her husband are very welcoming and personable), but it's just the idea that I do converse with real people on this computer. And to think that J and I "met" almost 9 years ago is quite something.

After dinner we traveled to a Holiday Inn and spent the night on the Executive Level, to the tune of $110. Undoubtedly, the highest amount we've ever paid for a hotel room, even considering our trips to Disneyworld. It was a pretty place; basically clean, although I found an empty crayon box under the TV cabinet, and quiet.

In the morning (yesterday) we gathered our few belongings and crossed the parking lot to McDonalds for breakfast. Then we headed to French Creek State Park to finally see our oldest, whom we've missed for an entire week.

Long story short (this is a blog, and internet readers want things short and to the point, or so the experts say), we arrived home around 2, which gave me about an hour before I had to leave for school.

My Lab Practical was yesterday, and I got one wrong. It wasn't that I didn't know the material; I knew a positive result for urease is pink; however, I interpreted one test tube which was peachy-pink as being positive and the purplish-pink as being too "something." Very dumb on my part.

So. We're home, my baby's home from camp, tonight is my final exam, and all is well.

In Real Life

2006-08-13T07:57:00.000-04:00

Today J and I are meeting in real life for the first time ever. We met years ago on the internet and have heard each other's voice on the phone. We've exchanged many pictures, but today we get to see each other's face and kids in real life.

J and I gave birth on the same autumn day almost 9 years ago, each delivering a healthy baby girl. I'm looking forward to getting these girls side-by-side.

So, after church, we're headed up her way and will be back sometime tomorrow.

Talk to ya when we get back!

Off from work today!

2006-08-12T09:08:00.000-04:00

This is the first Saturday this summer that I didn't have to get up at the crack of dawn and leave for the hospital by 6:15 am.

It's nice to work weekends, but it's also nice to be off every once in a while.

Today I'm going to soak up the gorgeous weather and review for my lab practical many types of culture mediums, including Trypicase Soy Agar, Nutrient Agar, Peptone Iron Agar, Spirit Blue Agar, etc. Also positive and negative test results. Then, I need to study photographs of critters such as Condidispores, Zygospores, Basidiospores, Giardia, Balantidium coli, Toxoplasmosis, Plasmodium, and others.

Dinner was great last night. I think everyone had a nice time.

Dinner on the deck

2006-08-11T08:37:00.000-04:00

We're having a family of nine from church over for dinner this evening. I'm very much looking forward to it.

The river is still, the bay is busy and the breeze is blowing. It will be a nice evening on the deck.

And their children are lovely.

This professor is unpredictable.

2006-08-10T22:59:00.000-04:00

I thought he'd ask us about the differences between endotoxins and exotoxins on the quiz. He didn't. It was relatively simple and I got a perfect score.

A challenging lab practical is on Monday, and the final exam on Tuesday.

Then we will celebrate! It's almost over.

I'm eating everything I see.

2006-08-10T14:19:00.000-04:00

My fingernails have been chewed as far down as I can get them.

I'm extremely stressed.

It's not that my oldest daughter is away at camp and started crying the night before and never stopped until I was well out of her sight nor that we haven't heard from her one time since she's been gone.

It's not that I haven't been sleeping well this week for fear that she is sad and crying (which I'm sure she has done at least once this week, despite what anyone tells me) nor that I shot straight up out of bed early this morning long before the sun rose because I could have sworn one of my daughters called out, "Mom!"

It's because my last microbiology quiz is this evening and there's so much information on this quiz, I know I don't know it all, and what if I really blow it and bring my grade down, here at the end of the semester?

My selfish little world would be crushed.

Inspiration

2006-08-07T10:31:00.000-04:00

So I'm working on writing a book. In a way, it's not my first. I wrote one several years ago as a supplement for childbirth educators/midwives/whoever to use for their clients in preparation for labor. But I never got it printed or published, so I probably shouldn't count that as a book. Instead, I'll count it as practice.

But, seriously, I'm starting to write a book on who I'm becoming while in nursing school. It's a real change for the better, going to school. I've got much to say. Who knows if it will ever become a real book, but I need to write down all that is happening to me during this time of my life. It's exciting. My hope is that it will inspire other women to follow their dream. I can't imagine me being an inspiration to anyone, but it's a nice thought.

Anyway, I was getting my ideas together about this book and I received an email from an author friend of mine. She wrote to tell me about the recent release of her newest book (which isn't on her website yet.) But this woman is such an inspiration to me. She has catapulted my desire to write this book of mine.

untitled

2006-08-06T10:41:00.000-04:00

My latest post at DotMoms is here.

I had my first experience with a patient and a fetal demise this week.

Tough.

I'm in a different zone.

2006-08-03T09:13:00.000-04:00

When I'm in school giving it all I've got, I feel a bit out of touch with everyone else. I'm in a different zone.

It's not necessarily a bad thing, it's just the way it is for right now.

I can't seem to relate and I don't feel as though anyone who's not in my class or doesn't live in my house can relate to me, either.

Please pray for Shirley

2006-07-19T10:04:00.000-04:00

Life can dramatically change in a day or so.

Last week, my friend was teaching Vacation Bible School and dealing with a bad headache at the same time.

This week, she's lying in the hospital with a brain tumor, awaiting surgery.

Life can be really sucky sometimes.

This is totally NOT what I believe.

2006-07-06T12:45:00.000-04:00

"Now, some of you might believe in something like creationism, or whatever. That's cool, if that works for you. It's definitely not my thing, though, and I present this class to you as an evolutionist. And you have to know this stuff as I tell you to get through this class."

Or so said my microbiology professor during the first night of class yesterday.

Today we're having a quiz. I have to remember that the world is 6.5 billion years old and that the first living organism was a hypothetical microbe!

The Guilt of a Full Life

2006-07-05T10:08:00.000-04:00

Today's post can be found here.

Happy Birthday And Easing Into Retirement, Frank!

2006-07-02T11:52:00.000-04:00

We're in the middle of a friend's FOUR DAY LONG party this weekend. Good food, decent music, nice tennis courts and fireworks Tuesday night.

Having a great time. Wish you were here!

In A Mood

2006-06-28T09:13:00.000-04:00

I've been in a strange mood for the past day or so. Not really a bad one, just a weird one. A mood that requires retreat into myself. Analyzing. Feeling sorry for myself perhaps.

I think it's the weather. It's been raining for way too long now and I haven't seen the sun in days. I need the sun.

Anyway, my being overweight bothers me muchly. I hate the way I look. And the way I feel. I used to be in excellent physical shape. I used to be a fitness instructor. In my previous, single life.

During a discussion last night, I realized I'm not as energetic and as driven as I'd like to think I am. I'm blessed with getting good grades rather easily. I can also balance about 8 projects at the same time without losing too much of my sanity.

But when it comes to eating less and exercising more, I struggle. And instead of working harder at it to achieve my desired goal, I simply give up.

Which makes me quite the lazy, selfish person. I can accomplish what comes effortlessly, but choose not to do what requires dedication.

And that thought does nothing for The Mood in which I am.

No hot seat for me.

2006-06-27T08:45:00.000-04:00

I am disappointed to learn that the Who Wants To Be A Millionaire: Play It! attraction at MGM Studios in Disneyworld will be closing permanently in August. This game was one of my favorite attractions in all of Disneyworld, and especially at MGM.

While I was there in May, I ended up being in 5th place on the board, but never got in the hot seat.

I really wanted to win the pins. And the Disney Cruise wouldn't have been a bad prize, either.

My Dancing Queens

2006-06-26T09:29:00.000-04:00

The dance studio has had a group of Company Dancers for several years now. Jordan has been in it, but chose not to last year. She missed it.

This year, the studio decided to hold auditions for a Junior Company (ages 7-12 I think) as well as another Senior Company.

As predicted, all three of my girls auditioned, and ALL THREE MADE IT!

So now they're busy learning dances for their upcoming fall events.

Labor and Delivery: Week 1

2006-06-25T18:53:00.000-04:00

My first two 12-hour shifts are behind me. I didn't sleep well the night before my first one because I was too excited/nervous. So, by the end of the second one, I was exhausted. Came home, immediately crashed on the couch and woke up 7:30 this morning.

I got to do a bunch of things, including observing/assisting with the cesarean birth of twins and a tubal ligation. I wasn't knowledgable enough to actually assist with the surgeries, but I did a little bit of pre-operative procedures and post-op care. I also did some breastfeeding education and support.

I felt very welcomed and encouraged there by the staff. Of course, it didn't hurt that I already knew 2 of the midwives and 1 of the OBs who had clients in labor. But the nurses were great, too. Very wonderful.

Next week I'll continue learning the ropes and hopefully get an opportunity to expand my assessment skills. I'm on fire for this place! I know I belong in Maternal-Child Health!

Quiet Seclusion

2006-06-22T09:06:00.000-04:00

We couldn't sit on the deck last night because it's been sprayed with sealer, so we had dinner at a table on the ground instead.

Not one person drove (or walked) by until after we had eaten.

I think we take that blessing for granted sometimes.

Migrant Education Program

2006-06-21T11:40:00.000-04:00

I had a great clinical experience last night at the college. The Migrant Education Program is one where migrant kids, ages 13-21, spend their evenings at school. They are fed dinner (great food catered by the school) and learn things like conversational English, health and hygiene, safety issues, and I'm not sure what else.

There's also a medical clinic of sorts there, which is where I was. Each night the medical caregiver varies. Last night it was a pediatrician. I took vitals on each kid before they went in to see the doctor. Referrals are made if needed, transportation is provided, and everything is done as can possibly be done to prevent them from falling through the cracks.

It's a great program, a great experience.

Trying to get ahead.

2006-06-20T12:40:00.000-04:00

I've been spending the day trying to organize for the next semester of school. I'm putting aside things from 1st and 2nd semester that I know I'll probably refer to in the future. And throwing away stuff I know I'll never need again.

All my texts have to be moved to make room for the approximately $700 worth of new books for the next year.

On July 5, six weeks of chaos begins with microbiology, along with working as an extern and trying to be a mom and wife somewhere in the midst of it all.

How we celebrated Fathers Day

2006-06-19T09:40:00.000-04:00

It was going to be a family get-together for Fathers Day, but it just didn't work out that way.

Instead, we had 4 families over, with a total of 10 adults and 12 kids. It was a hot and humid, but wonderful day that lasted until midnight. Lots of food, games, good conversation, and a drink or two on the deck.

We are so blessed in having the friends we do.

Life Goes On

2006-06-15T13:14:00.000-04:00

We're wrapping up our second week of summer homeschooling lessons. So far, all is as well as can be expected.

Annie and Becky are enthusiastically studying French, multiplication mastery and mapping skills.

Jordan's focus this summer is French, and finishing Algebra 1 and her science modules.

All are also working on guitar and piano.

My orientation for the hospital is officially over, as is my unpleasant run-in with some bad Chinese food (stay away from the peanut chicken).

Next week I start working 12-hour shifts for the first time in my life.

Mourning

2006-06-12T09:21:00.000-04:00

In between dance performances, applying make-up and finding misplaced pointe shoes, we said goodbye this weekend to a childhood friend who lost his battle with cancer.

There's much to say. Much to write. But it's too soon right now. The pain is too raw.

Eventually, the words will come.

Over at DotMom's

2006-06-07T09:43:00.000-04:00

Today's post can be found here.

Graduations are lovely.

2006-06-03T09:26:00.000-04:00

Tonight is the 8th and 12 grade graduation of our homeschoolers. Rehearsal went well and I'm sure everything will be beautiful for the ceremony.

It's quite the tearjerker to see these kids,whom I've watched grow up over the years and have even taught, march down the aisle to "Pomp and Circumstance." I was the tough writing teacher some of them had.

I'm sure I will see great things from them in the future.

Long-awaited rain and other joys of the day.

2006-06-02T11:10:00.000-04:00

1. Becky and Annie enthusiastically studying French vocabulary.
2. Jordan working feverishly on her poster for graduation.
3. A phone call from my husband at work, wondering how the girls are doing with their chores.
4. The thrill of planning lessons for the summer and buying curriculum for the fall.
5. Strawberry shortcake.

No! Not this week!

2006-05-31T10:18:00.000-04:00

Please, don't let this thing Becky has be a stomach virus. We have a friend's graduation Friday night, Jordan's graduation rehearsal Friday afternoon and her graduation on Saturday night.

The timing for such a thing to spread through the house isn't good right now.

But then again, it could be worse. It could have hit us while we were on vacation.

Mystery

2006-05-30T07:52:00.000-04:00

How does a family lose not one, not two, but three sets of toenail clippers?

I know I packed one for our trip, and obviously the girls packed the other two, although no one is admitting it.

And now they've all disappeared.

Toenails that need to be cut are yucky. Especially when you're sleeping next to them.

And what a vacation it was!

2006-05-28T06:33:00.000-04:00

We disappeared for two weeks. Drove to Florida. Spent about 8 days in Disney, then headed to the Bradenton area for a few more days. Visited with an aunt and uncle, did some sightseeing, watched the girls swim in the Gulf of Mexico. Didn't miss the internet once. In fact, forgot my password to access my own blog.

Life is good.

More Change

2006-05-10T07:29:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was my last day at the office. I'm a bit sad, but excited for what's about to come.

I was not expecting to be showered with cards, gifts (including a new and better stethoscope!), a cake from my/our favorite bakery, and even dinner (complements of a drug rep)!

I do believe it's time for a vacation.

Deep Sigh

2006-05-08T13:01:00.000-04:00

The craziness of studying for my final exam is behind me. At least for this semester.

I've finished my first year of nursing school (I like the sound of that so much, I think I'll write it again).

I've finished my first year of nursing school. And, although there's been not one thing easy about it, it's been a huge blessing to me in many ways.

It's given me many opportunities to rely even further on the Lord. To realize I don't have the power to balance studying, reading, exams and lectures with kids, marriage, work and life in general. Only He can do that. For me.

If I only let Him. If I stop trying to convince myself it's me who's in control.

It's not me. It's not us. We are in control of nothing.

About my Grandpop.

2006-05-06T06:38:00.000-04:00

My first post over at DotMoms is up today.

It's titled, "Not Such A Bad Way To Live."

Check it out by clicking here.

I thought we were adults.

2006-05-05T20:16:00.000-04:00

"Let 'em talk. I wouldn't even worry about it," I'm told.

"Oh, I'm not," I say, but I don't mean it. Not really.

It bothers me that she's talking about me to other people in my class. It bothers me that others are listening to her. To her insinuations. That they blame me for something I never did.

They're forming opinions about me without ever having known me. And that's just not fair.

And it bothers me that I'm upset by this high-schoolish drama. I should just let this roll right off my back. I've got a full life. More important things to keep me busy.

But it's not a high school issue. It's a human issue. It hurts, no matter what age you are. Or what grade you're in.

I'm a little busy these days.

2006-05-03T19:39:00.000-04:00

The semester is winding down, and I'm faced with the necessity of knowing how to prioritize.

TONIGHT: Review Complications of Labor
Go pick up the van from getting detailed.
Write paper on Emergency Room clinical experience.

TOMORROW MORNING BEFORE THE GIRLS WAKE UP: Seriously study Complications of Labor.

LATER TOMORROW MORNING: Study Hemolysis, Complications of Labor and Delivery, Complications of Postpartum, Family Violence.

TOMORROW AFTERNOON: Go to work

TOMORROW EVENING: Study HIV, Grief and Loss

FRIDAY: Study all day! Family with a Hospitalized Child; Bio/Psychosocial, Cognitive, Moral and Spiritual Development; Nursing History and Physical Assessment of the Hospitalized Child; Perioperative Nursing Management; Impaired Respiratory Functioning; Fluid and Electrolyte Imbalance in Children; Impaired Neurological Functioning; Chronic & Terminal Illness for the Child and Family.

SATURDAY MORNING: Study! Juvenile Diabetes; Feeding Problems; GI Abnormalities; Respiratory Distress Syndrome; Impaired Urinary Functioning; Childhood Injuries; Hemophilia; Sickle Cell; Leukemia; Communicable Diseases; Congenital/Impaired Cardiac Functioning

SATURDAY AFTERNOON: Go to hospital for my final evaluation

SATURDAY NIGHT: Continue studying

SUNDAY: Church and study! Cystic Fibrosis; Skeletal Trauma; Congenital Defects Affecting Mobility; Alterations in Nutritional Status

MONDAY MORNING: Take Final Exam, 8:00 am!

I'm healthy!

2006-05-02T11:16:00.000-04:00

One bad thing about being in nursing school is that you can easily convince yourself you pretty much have every disease you study.

Today I learned that I'm at risk for being anorexic. Now, anyone who's familiar with my body size and eating habits knows that I'm most definitely not anorexic. Nor bulimic.

But, those who are at risk for this disease are perfectionists (yes!), conscientious (my 5th grade teacher always called me her "Conscientious Patti"), have low self esteem (only at times, but I'm usually confident), increased tendencies of anxiety (yes!) and depression (yes, but not recently).

Other risks (which I definitely do NOT have) are: a need to conform, a dysfunctional family with a history of sexual abuse, those looking for something in their life they can control, and a history of trauma. In addition, the average age of diagnosis is 13 years old, or from 10-25 years old. Unfortunately, though, diagnoses are now being made at an older age.

The conclusion is I'm not anorexic. Nor do I have any of the other diseases I learned about this year. YAY!

Please, Lord, save me from being like them.

2006-04-29T17:40:00.000-04:00

I pray I will never be like the orderly (I think he was an orderly) who cursed me and made a patient laugh at his comment today because (I assume) I didn't move out of his way as quickly as he thought I should, as he was slowly transporting a patient toward x-ray. I want to always have patience and tolerance when dealing with others.

I pray I will never be like the educator I had to deal with this week who speaks sarcastically and in degrading, negative ways to students. I want to always encourage others to do and be their best.

I pray that, when I am established in my new job at the hospital, and students come in to my department, that I will at least acknowledge them. Even if I am terribly busy, I want to stop and welcome them, and let them know I acknowledge their presence.

Thinking ahead for next winter.

2006-04-26T07:20:00.000-04:00

I think it's safe to assume the cold winter temperatures are behind us. How much did you spend on heating oil this year?

We decided to heat our house this winter with a pellet stove and spent only about $800 for the entire season to keep us toasty warm. Some days it was so warm in here I had a back window slightly opened!

The stove itself, when all was said and done, cost us about $1500, which we figure will completely pay for itself maybe 1/3 into next winter.

Not once did we turn on electric heater, although we do still use oil to heat our hot water.

As Martha would say, "Pellet stoves. They're a good thing."

100 Things About Me

2006-04-21T09:17:00.000-04:00

1. I brush my teeth at least 4 times every day.
2. I placed 7th the State Spelling Bee one year in grammar school.
3. The word I missed was "stanchion."
4. I first laid eyes on my husband when I was in 1st grade.
5. He was in second.
6. We were at the end of the road that we now live on.
7. I bite my nails.
8. I wish I didn't.
9. I have a chickenpox scar on my face.
10. And on my left foot.
11. I played my first piano solo in 3rd grade at my school's spring concert.
12. It was the theme from Romeo and Juliet.
13. I used to be a Certified Fitness Instructor.
14. You'd never know it to look at me now.
15. I spent a lot of my childhood at a marina.
16. I would rather spend a day shopping at an office supply store than in a clothing store.
17. I'm often misunderstood for being snobbish and miserable.
18. When really I've got at least 4 other things on my mind at any given moment.
19. In kindergarten I started saying I want to someday be a nurse.
20. I will graduate from nursing school in May 2007.
21. I lost 3 friends to fatal car accidents in a span of 4 years.
22. I think of them often.
23. I'm a childbirth educator and breastfeeding educator.
24. I'm also a survivor of postpartum depression.
25. I knew I wanted to homeschool soon after the birth of my first child.
26. It took some time to convince my husband it was a good idea.
27. I often escape to the bathroom for peace and quiet.
28. I'd much rather be alone than with a group of people (especially in the bathroom).
29. I don't deal well with disorganization.
30. I can't remember the last time I went grocery shopping.
31. I don't have to go shopping because my husband does it.
32. When I was in high school, my French teacher got married and I wrote all the placecards for her reception by hand in calligraphy.
33. I used to sing a lot in church.
34. I don't anymore.
35. I have two flutes that are in need of repair.
36. I have an old piano that also needs attention.
37. I love to get dressed up.
38. I rarely have a reason to get dressed up.
39. I love my big and very uncool van.
40. I'd like to someday buy a convertible.
41. I've never ridden a motorcyle or an ATV.
42. I've never flown in an airplane or hot air balloon.
43. I get claustrophobic.
44. I'm not exactly adventurous.
45. I do like to travel, though.
46. I was a substitute school teacher for 3 years before I was married.
47. One time I put too much "ash" coloring on my hair.
48. My hair turned green.
49. I ended up getting my hair cut really short.
50. I'll never put "ash" coloring on my hair again.
51. I love the beach during the winter.
52. Not so much during the summer.
53. People ask me all the time if my hair is naturally curly.
54. The answer is, "Yes!"
55. But it was never quite this curly until my 2nd pregnancy.
56. I was interviewed live once on CNN Headline News.
57. Because I started a national volunteer program.
58. I often raise butterflies.
59. I eat way too much sugar.
60. I'm physically addicted to coffee.
61. And I don't care much for soda.
62. I have an estranged relationship with my mother.
63. I'm unhappy if I'm not growing my own vegetables in the summer.
64. I collect PEZ dispeners.
65. And also blue hobnail glass.
66. I love to cook and bake.
67. And have people over.
68. I'm too hard on myself most of the time.
69. I get bad headaches when a storm front is coming my way.
70. I want to write a book.
71. I often pray for strangers I see during the day.
72. I don't know how to skate (roller or ice).
73. I was a gestational diabetic during my first pregnancy.
74. I love the smell of a cigar.
75. I also love intelligent conversation.
76. And good old-fashioned hymn sings.
77. My right hand cracks and bleeds if I wash my hands too often.
78. I wash my hands A LOT.
79. I'm too nostalgic
80. By looking at the boxes of things I've saved over the years.
81. I like to scrapbook
81. But I can never find the time to do it.
82. I often suffer from low self-esteem
83. And feel like I'm not quite "good enough".
84. I love to plan and organize things!
85. Events, that is, NOT closets and garages.
86. I once lost 25 pounds from Weight Watchers Online
87. But I gained most of it back.
88. I often make lists of things I need to do.
89. I love to cross things off the list as I do them.
90. I'm one of those adults who still sleeps with a teddy bear.
91. I've been wearing eyeglasses since the 6th grade.
92. I also wear contacts.
93. I rarely sit and watch a movie.
94. I can always think of something better to do.
95. I started knitting sweaters when I was in high school.
96. I don't like wine or beer.
97. One drink with rum will put me to sleep.
98. I'm usually early and rarely late.
99. I don't ever dance.
100. I love my life.

From the Deck (or, Things Seen and Heard During My Morning Coffee)

2006-04-20T07:58:00.000-04:00

1. A fishing boat moving from the river and down the bay.
2. A nearby dog barking.
3. A rooster crowing.
4. Many, many birds, including sea gulls and turkeys.
5. A sailboat moving down the river at a fast clip.
6. The sun coming up.
7. Warren on his morning walk.
8. Loaded barges on the bay, moving toward Philly.
9. A train in the distance.
10. An airplane taking off from Dover.

A Change Will Do Me Good

2006-04-14T07:47:00.000-04:00

Well, dear readers, my life is about to take another turn.

I've decided to accept a nurse externship at one of our local hospitals in maternity. The position is for 12 weeks this summer. Once fall rolls around, I'll be able to work per diem. As well as continue to teach Childbirth Education for the same system.

I've also decided to accept the deal of the hospital paying for the rest of my schooling (up to $10,000). In return, I'll work for them full-time (3 12-hour shifts) for two years.

So, not only do I not have to worry about paying for school, licenses, and board fees for the upcoming year, but I've already got my first job as a Graduate Nurse and Registered Nurse lined up.

It's definitely for the best, and change is good, but it's always a little sad to say goodbye to the past. My last day at the office will be May 9, 2006.

Are you living within your means?

2006-04-12T07:50:00.000-04:00

I just happened to catch Oprah's Debt Diet last week and there was someone who was some sort of financial person who gave this recipe for living according to your income:

Out of your monthly NET (not gross), 35% should be spent on housing, which includes not only the rent/mortage, but also the taxes, utilities and everything associated with housing.

15% should be spent on transportation, including car payments and gas (UGH!).

15% should be spent on debt, such as credit cards, student loans or personal loans.

10% should go directly into savings (not a checking account and you tell yourself you're going to save it).

25% is the "other" category, which includes everything else in your life, such as clothing, eating out, groceries, vacations, etc.

Of course, 10% tithing wasn't mentioned, so I'm thinking that would come out of the "other" category.

I just thought this was a helpful tool to see if we're all REALLY living within our means.

A Sign Of Our Times

2006-04-10T13:09:00.000-04:00

Annie and Becky were playing Password. Instead of giving one-word hints, they would make up a sentence, and when they got to where the word needed to be, they'd make a certain high-pitched "BEEP" and move right along with the sentence, without missing a beat.

After hearing a couple of "BEEPs", I turned my attention to their game.

Becky said, " 'BEEP' killer. You eat it with milk."

This one intrigued me, so I joined them in playing.

"What in the world do you eat with milk that is called Something Killer?" I asked.

"C'mon, Mom. It's on the news all the time..."

I started listing off things that went with milk.

"Cookies..."

"No..."

"Cereal..."

"Yep!"

I still didn't get it. "Cereal? Are you sure?"

"Yes! You know, a cereal killer. I hear them say it on the news all the time."

Serial killer.

Madame President?

2006-04-07T10:58:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure how this happened, but somehow I've found myself running for President of next year's Nursing Club.

Actually, I do know how it happened. I told my friends I wanted to be nominated, and they took care of the rest. But I'm not sure why I did that.

So now I find myself writing a little blurb as to Why I Would Make A Good President, which will be printed on the ballot. And at night, when I should be sleeping soundly, I am instead completely stressing out, asking myself, "What was I thinking?"

I'm too old for this.

Cooking Up A Storm

2006-04-06T10:33:00.000-04:00

My husband bought me a new set of cookware (Emeril, no less). It's a stainless set with the lids I can see through. Very nice.

The greatest part, though, is the cast iron skillet (also Emeril) that came as a FREE GIFT with the stainless set.

I love cast iron pans! I've already used it twice, both this morning. Not a good idea for french toast, because of the ridges on the bottom, but it's GREAT for bacon.

Now I must begin my clam sauce for dinner tonight.

The Battle Ensues

2006-04-03T15:21:00.000-04:00

Microbiology is a 4-credit science course most of the nursing students need to take. When I say "most," I mean at least 40 people.

The college offers this course in the summer, over a five-week span, and this is when most of us would like to take it. We'd rather not combine it with our demanding 10-credit nursing course in the fall.

Online registration was to begin last Friday at 9:00 am. This information was posted throughout the school and on the website itself.

A select few, however, were told by their clinical instructors that they might be able to register before 9:00. And they certainly were.

By the time the rest of us signed on at 9:00, all 20 seats in the summer microbiology class were filled.

Tempers are flaring and accusations of unfairness are being made, as one can certainly imagine.

And so the stress of nursing school continues.

A humbling experience.

2006-03-31T03:10:00.000-05:00

I failed miserably as a mother yesterday. Big Time.

It had something to do with my youngest child having yet another panic attack and my reaction to it. In front of an office full of co-workers.

Instead of going into the horrifying details, I'll just say how thankful I am right now for undeserved forgiveness. And for the humility to realize how wrong I was.

Will I ever become the Mom who's got it all together?

Fourteen years have come and gone.

2006-03-30T07:20:00.000-05:00

My 14 year-old daughter will be "graduating" from eighth grade in early June. I say "graduating" because we homeschool and she will continue to be homeschooled throughout high school.

Thanks to Deb, our support group holds a beautiful graduation each year for those leaving eighth and twelfth grades. Each student is expected to share a talent during the ceremony.

Jordan will be performing a ballet to Josh Groban's "You Raise Me Up."

I have to figure out a way to get through the dance without bawling my eyes out. I have to just focus on the dance, I guess. If she sees me crying, it will make it more difficult for her to dance. Or so I've been told.

I need to become a rock.

But how can I do that when, as soon as I hear the music begin, I literally see flashbacks of her and Lauren sitting together in preschool? And I remember when she was a toddler, just bee-bopping around the house? Then I was trying to convince my husband that homeschooling would be a good thing.

I cry because I'm saying goodbye in a sense. I'm being reminded that much of her childhood is over and I can't go back and do anything differently.

I hope I was a good enough mom to her during those precious, and very important years. What if I wasn't?

I love you/I hate you

2006-03-27T06:31:00.000-05:00

I'm currently in a love/hate relationship with coffee.

I love it because, well...it's coffee. I love the smell of it. I love the color of it, once I add my flavored creamer, and how its shade of brown coordinates with the color of the mug I've poured it in. I love the warmth of the mug as I cradle it with two hands.

But as I approach 40, I'm starting to see coffee's evil side. First off, it's fickle. It changes its taste and appearance if someone else makes it. I'm always hesitant to have some when I'm out, because I never know exactly what I'm going to get. Which is making me become somewhat of a closet coffee drinker. I resent that.

I'm also suspecting that the years I've shared my life with coffee are contributing to my teeth now having a slight tint of yellow to them. I don't smoke, so I can only blame it on coffee. I resent that as well.

The worst part, though, is the fact that coffee dehydrates me and makes me retain water. And considering in seven weeks I'm expected to be in Florida in a bathing suit, well...that's not exactly a pretty picture.